Jasmine Hart

Yay!I just found this! Ditto what Fusion said about the first line. I think you'd need to say "view" or "his vision" as oppose to just "vision". (Which has now ...

Some of your rhyming was forced, and I think this undermined your subject matter.(e.g "sun" and "rum".)Maybe try a redraft without the rhyme, and see what happens. Your rhythm is ...

I enjoyed this, very powerful, and the emotion really shone through. The theme was great, the sentiments were strong, and I liked your imagery and phrasing. It was a well ...

This needs a little work. I'll try hard not to repeat what the others have already said. I know you said that lack of punctuation was intentional, but I'm not ...

I love "Chapter after chapter"! Have you read "Page after page"?

I liked it. The theme was fresh and interesting. I'd get rid of the "my" before "lopsided scrawl". I'm really not sure about teh last three lines, they seem a ...

I liked it.I'll try not to repeat what Kit has said, but she makes some good points. She's right about "an add" not really working. I would suggests "adds" or, ...

Overall, I thought that it was great. I thought that the first verse was a little cliche, eg "My face is on fire....ribcage." The second may also be considered a ...

Woah that was amazing. The suspense was brilliant, the ending was perfect, really chilling. And now I'm a bit creeped out. Brilliant stuff. Too speechless to say anything more helpful.Wow.

Brilliant. I love it.A couple of minor suggestions though; I'd say "my heartstrings are yearning for", instead of "my heartstring is yearning towards." I'd also say "with the strumming" instead ...

which falls slowly

I'm hungry. Maybe if I go up to the top of the water and open my mouth really wide the giants will realise that. Pop pop pop pop. Why isn't ...

Hi, my name is... This drives me mad!It's a story not a conversation!!!!!! Lol. Sorry for that!Reckon I have issues with that particular first line...

I started when I was about nine, I think, maybe eight, and my first story was about a boy called Jeff, and a gnome who turned into a human.I'm pretty ...

I'm rereading "Harry Potter and the half-blood prince" to get me geared up for Saturday! Can't wait!